The Truth Behind The Lens

Mark and I recently purchased a new laptop. Obviously, this isn't all that exciting as far as large purchases go. Right up there with a new washer and dryer - definitely makes life easier and more efficient, but isn't exactly the same rush as you get when you buy a house or a car (and, a much smaller investment, too).

The best part of the purchase for me came the first afternoon I played around with our new "toy". The minute I clicked through the folder labeled "VIDEOS"  and realized the horribly cumbersome files from our camcorder that would never convert and play on our old computer were now dancing across the screen. Wyatt at a year, Wyatt at 14 months, 18 months, his 2nd birthday, last Christmas. Wyatt a few weeks ago in the bathtub singing at the top of of his lungs. This was the first time I had actually gotten to watch the videos since filming and as any mother- I was brimming over with emotion and thankfulness that I had taken the time to capture these tiny and precious moments.

What struck me (beyond the reality of how much he has changed in a few brief years and the sweet singsong sound of his voice) as our interaction. Sometimes Mark would be filming the two of us-- me,completely unaware that the camera was even on- and at times I would be filming Wyatt, conversing over the lens of the camcorder. What filled me with joy was seeing the unbelievable exchange of love between a mother and her child. So often I think of myself as an impatient mom, constantly waiting on Wyatt to listen or to do whatever he is doing a little faster. I think of myself as lacking in softness or sanity or calmness. I am, I know, a self-proclaimed neat-freak, a creature of habit- a little too uptight for a four-year-old at times.

What I watched told a completely different story. There was a tenderness that is completely indescribable. There was laughter, playfulness and a solid understanding that this moment was indeed all that mattered. That this moment will never happen again. Nothing mattered but my son- not work, nor bills, committee meetings or church activities. The only thing that mattered is the precious time that the Lord granted me with my child, His child.

 So... all is not lost. Perception is not reality. While I may view myself as all of the above- the truth is, through God's grace, I am better at this mom-stuff than I give myself credit for. Don't get me wrong, I am as inpatient as the day is long, I get hung up in details and it doesn't take much to stress me out. However, the truth behind the lens shows me that this is not all that Wyatt sees in me and hopefully will not be what is conjured up when he thinks back to his childhood 20 years from now- and thank God for that.

From Roses to Ralphing

Call me a cynic, but Valentine's Day looks a WHOLE lot different to me than it did 5 years ago. I think there is a very brief moment in time where a girl can really relish in this day and enjoy the entire Hallmark experience. Say, the first or second time you celebrate with your sweetheart. Or, perhaps, the first Valentine's Day you are officially a married gal. That's about it. Before that, you are angry at everyone that has a boyfriend, secretly thinking about how unfair it is that there is a bouquet of flowers with their name on it instead of your own. After that, you tell your husband to not waste your combined income on flowers that will die within a week. A pair of shoes that you pick out for yourself two weeks ahead of time is much more practical.

And, once kids come-- you can pretty much throw the romance out the window right along with those dead flowers. Instead, you will be spending three hours assembling treat bags for the pre-school party and figuring out how to make heart pancakes at the wee hour of 6 a.m. on a Tuesday-- just so your child, who happens to have a working mom, can also experience the holiday in the fullest capacity, just like all those kids whose moms don't have anywhere to be. Except for in the kitchen all morning. In their pajamas. Fashioning shapes out of Bisquick.

I am bitter. I know. My husband is awesome, and got me the sweetest card- presented it with the warmest cup of coffee, that I got to enjoy for all of five seconds before the dog started throwing up all over the floor and my naked three-year-old launched a sling shot at a favorite glass frame. I am sure you can figure out how the story ends.

I know I am not the only one in the Valentine's-Day-equals-stress boat. A girlfriend of mine frantically texted me at 9:08 p.m. on the eve of February 14, after working a 12-hour day. She had been volunteered to provide two dozen cupcakes for her daughters preschool party. Publix had no more cupcakes. She opted for the wine aisle instead of the baking aisle. After hitting the local Walmart, she headed home to drink the away her guilt.

We should not feel ashamed over the lack of Martha-Stewartesque running through our veins or feel any more pressure to produce 56 perfectly-produced embossed themed goodie bags for our pint-sized pre-schoolers any more than a 20-something should cry over the lack of a floral arrangement on her side of the dorm room.

Yes, Valentine's looks a whole lot different these days-- but you know what? I would trade it for the world. Throw up, sling shots, luke warm coffee and all :)

Happy Heart Day!!

Thankful

We are back from our weekend at the coast, and although it was almost a complete washout, I am so thankful to have had a couple of days with my family away from all the distractions of life.

I am also thankful that I have such a sweet brother-in-law who allowed us to crash with him a midst a tropical storm and a very narrow Auburn win. And played with my three-year-old non-stop (did I mention that we barely left the house for fear of being blown away?!)

Thankful still for a husband who scooped my traumatized Wyatt into his arms two and three times throughout the night as lightning struck and thunder boomed. A husband who quieted him back to sleep, and then got up again with him at 7 a.m., allowing this very tired mom some much needed rest.

Last week was no bueno. At all. There have been so many Fridays where I was completely wiped, but I do believe this past week took the cake. My mental stability was hanging on by a thread and the only thing that kept me on this side of crazy town was the promise of sand between my toes. We made it before the rain, barely, and for that I am thankful. Thankful for a quiet day on the beach, for the birds that made Wyatt laugh, for the sand castles and the walks and an Amberjack lunch. Thankful still that I have one more day to be at home with my little guy, one more day to win the 'to-do' tug-of- war. One more day to put off the inevitable. The life of a working mom is just.so.dang.hard. But I am thankful for the job God has given me, and skills in which to complete that job. I am thankful for the paycheck and what He has provided.

As it says in Ecclesiastes, whatever He gives me, I will do with all my heart. And for what he has given me, I am thankful.

This crazy thing called life...

At 5:30 yesterday afternoon when I pulled into the driveway only to find my back tire almost completely deflated, I was not prepared to spend the better part of the evening in the auto section of Walmart. As a young college student, my dad always took care of these inconviences for me. As a newlywed, my husband handled the flat tires, the oil changes and even bailed me out when I ran out of gas.

Now, as a young professional, an exhausted mother of one and, at times, a single parent- these type of things land themselves smack on my shoulders. Regardless of how tired I feel, how overwhelmed I am or how much I want to travel back to my early twenties- it simply isn't an option. Someone must pick up the two year old from preschool, someone needs to feed the dog and give baths and fix dinner- which doesn't leave a whole lot of leeway for things like a nail in the tire.

So, as I sat waiting on my name to be called (after wandering the aisles in 2-inch heels for 45 minutes) , I was simultaneously attempting to both stay awake, and figure out how I could propel myself through the rest of the evening. Knowing full well that Wyatt would be about as reved up as a tasmanian devil when I returned, and that Mark had a board meeting at the church to rush off to-collapsing into bed was not an option.

I managed to summon enough energy to get through the evening- flat tires, flying chicken, frantic tantrums and all. It did serve as a reminder that we are stronger than we think. Even when little things seem overwhelming, it is human nature to want to crawl under the covers. Yet, if we choose to put one foot in front of the other and to continue moving forward- God will do the rest. I need to remind myself of this on a daily basis. All too often I worry about things that I cannot control, I stress about the future and fret over details- skimming over the big picture.

I am no longer a child protected from the world, and on most days, the responsibility of it all is more than I ever imagined back in my college days. Life, in fact, is nothing like I imagined it- but I think that was God's plan all along. He never gives us more than we can handle, but just enough to make sure we depend on Him. The outcome is far greater than our wildest dreams, isn't it?

These are the days

Wyatt and his girlfriend Ava :) This is the perfect rehearsal dinner pic!!

Digging for treasure

What a special weekend for so many reasons. I look forward to Saturday mornings when Wyatt prances into our room and announces his presence with the sweetest "Good Morning!" I have ever heard. Lately he has crawled into bed with us, Mickey and all. I can't tell you how precious those moments are- the three of us snuggling and tickling and laughing. Even though it's 6 a.m. and I am exhausted from the week- I wouldn't trade it for all the world.

My parents came in town on Saturday, and Mom and I went furniture shopping for Wyatt's big boy room - I found exactly what I wanted for a great deal... so, furniture is on it's way, custom bedding is being made by Mark's mom, and I CAN'T wait to start decorating :) I can't believe my baby is out of the crib - it just amazes me that time is going so fast!

After a yummy dinner of smoked Crappie (freshly caught by Mark) we took Wyatt for a walk. Halfway down our street, he demanded that I stop the wagon. I thought maybe he had seen a bug or animal that called for closer examination. Instead, he hauled himself over the side of the wagon and pulled a bunch of wild flowers out of the ground. When he handed them to me telling me they were 'for mommy' I almost melted right on the pavement. My sweet baby boy had picked his first flowers and wanted me to have them. It was the smallest of gesture, but it made my heart feel as if it would burst with joy. A moment I will never ever forget.

Another special moment was the dedication of the brand new Contemporary building at our church. Eight months ago, this building was an empty Winn Dixie. Today, it is one of the most beautiful church facilities I have ever seen. It was incredible to worship in the space that only a few months ago was just a drawing on a piece of paper. Words cannot describe the overwhelming feeling that God is going to do some amazing things this space.

We rounded out the weekend with a Princess and Pirate party to celebrate sweet Maybrie's 3rd Birthday. It was a ton of fun, and made us excited for our own Pirate party only FOUR short months away! Can you believe it?!

Life As We Know It

If there is one thing I have learned this past year, it's that potty training is not for the faint of heart.

It is not for the person who enjoys knocking out a six month project in a mere day and a half. Nor is it for the parent who prides themselves on predictability, or the mom who smugly refers to herself as the 'schedule queen'.

Potty training, which by many is viewed as the pinnacle of parenthood-- the true test of mastering the mysterious realm of toddler world, is the most challenging, frustrating, hysterical, emotionally draining, beat-your-head-against-the-wall journey I have ever taken.

I was not prepared. Like everything else that has come with this ever-changing child of mine, I was completely inept for what it would take to get my two-year-old officially out of diapers.

Don't reach for the champagne just yet. We are still not there. I had to sit on my hand last week to keep from knocking a woman out in the grocery store when she told me her 23- month old was done was proudly sporting Elmo undies- IN PUBLIC. WITH NO ACCIDENTS. Thank God self control won out.

If someone had told me three years ago that I would be that mom- the one that shrieks for joy and produces ACTUAL tears at the sight of poop in the potty, I would have told them they were as crazy as the carnies at the Alabama State Fair. Lo and behold-- I am that mom. Funny how that happens.

After Disney, we are back in boot camp. For now, this is life as we know it. As for all those other schedule queens out there, take heart. I am in the same boat... and still searching for that darn proverbial paddle :)

Drowning

This week has been nothing short of insane. I just wanted to check in and say that we are still alive, but it seems work has taken over my life lately.

We had a somewhat non-eventful Valentine's experience (I suppose that's what happens when you get married and have kids :) but, it was nice. I again got spoiled with roses and some sweet kisses from my "littlest" Valentine.

I am excited to be hosting a fun "girls night in" tomorrow night.... with pictures to come!

My motto this week is "to be anxious for nothing" as I seem to be drowning in stress lately. I hate that I tend to be negative, but worry is part of my nature. When I began this blog three years ago, I promised myself it would not be a complaint box- so I promise- the next post will be much improved!! :)

The Days I love being a Momma

Some sacrifices are harder to make than others in the world of Motherhood. Like the day (ahem, last week) when I gave up a perfectly good Ga/Au ticket because a certain brown haired brown eyed boy needed his Mommy... and trading a seat in Jordon (pronounced JER-DEN :) Haire Stadium for a seat on my couch was not exactly the easiest thing to do- BUT, alas, I got over it and ended having a good time sharing shakers and cheese dip with my boys.

Today was none such sacrafice. Today I decided to give up the grocery store, the dry cleaners and the bank for some good ole PJ time with Wyatt.

We played and ran and ate and tickled. We laughed and disciplined and whined a little. We fought our nap and fussed and threw everything out of our crib... and in the end- this self-soothing, schedule queen caved and rocked her little man to sleep in the first time in over a year... and loved every.single.second :)

Cheers to lazy Saturday mornings with the love of my life!

His Little Routine

Wyatt is big about routine. He knows exactly what time of day it is by what we are doing and he knows exactly what we are going to do next- you could set your watch by it.

We are now brushing his teeth together twice a day- at first he will open his mouth and let me massage his pearly whites, but he knows when I am finished he gets to "brush" them himself- like a big boy.

Every night after dinner we have a bath and we rub his special lotion on (for his eczema) then we pj him up and he runs to the kitchen yelling "milk! milk!" We usually will sit together and he sips his sippy cup of warm milk and I rock him and read him a book. Then he knows it's time to brush his teeth- and he gets so excited. He will literally jump off my lap and run into the bathroom screaming "stool! stool!" He loves to get his stool out of the linen closet all by himself, and climb up on it to brush his teeth.

At this point, I kiss him goodnight and Mark takes him outside to see the moon. Every single night, Mark and Wyatt go outside so that Wyatt can say 'night night' to the moon. He literally will not lay down until he sees that moon with his daddy (this is an issue when Mark travels- apparently it's not as cool to see the moon with mommy :)

Mark or I will lay him down and turn on his music. He will usually just lay there and say 'night night' while we cover him up. For the most part, we don't hear a peep out of him for 12 hours. I am loving my sleep these days, and I love our evenings with our little guy. It feels like such a treat to come home from work and to spend time with my sweet little man!

So Glad He's Home

My favorite part of birthday parties- CAKE!

The Birthday Girl- Miss Peyton

Playdate with Mr. Will

Wyatt and I were more than estatic to see Mark walk through the door on Friday afternoon. I had taken the afternoon off in order to straighten up the house a little bit (I mean c'mon, I had to atleast make it look like there was some semblance of order in his absence) and to cook a nice meal for my husband (Insert Wife-of-the-year award here)

I think I wowed him with my apple-bourbon pork tenderloin (thanks Hormel :), garlic mashed potatoes and oven roasted asparagus (a Rachel original, and Mark's favorite).

After a sweet family dinner and an evening to catch up- I was exhausted. Last week drained the heck out of me and we all went to bed early.

On Saturday, Will came over and played. We had a great time, although we are still working on sharing our toys :).

On Saturday afternoon, we went to a birthday party and Sunday was church and a fun girls get-together where I learned how to applique shirts for Wyatt! I am so excited and have already ordered several appliques and am on the hunt for those Garanimal t-shirts that are oh so hard to find. I am feeling a little Martha Stewartesque all of a sudden. Although after trying to thread a needle for the umpteenth time, I will probably be sending some shirts to Clanton where my MIL and her sewing machine reside.

This week has been CRAZY to say the least- thank God my husband is back because I am having to be up at 4:30 every morning and work extremely late. We have a huge event this week that I am working on, and it is taking up most of my time...I am also hosting Bible Study this week (YAY!) and taking dinner to a friend who just had a baby (double YAY!) and leading a fundraising committee at church -where did all that time go that I thought I would have at the beginning of the year? Who knows- what I do know is I am doing what I love. Raising money for sick children, growing in my faith, deepening my friendships, serving the Lord and mothering an 18-month old (who had his first time out this week due to an uncontrollable urge to scream, kick and thrash all at the same time- triple YAY!)

Enjoy the pictures from our weekend reunited with Daddy-O :)

Survival Mode

One....More...Day. I keep repeating this in my head, over and over and over. I have actually been telling myself this since Monday, hoping it would make this week seem a little less long.

It hasn't helped. Mark left Sunday for his annual 'Shot Show' in Vegas. Imagine a whole lot of testosterone and a whole lot of guns -multiply that by the tenth power. Exactly. No where I would want to be.

I wish I could say that Wyatt and I sailed through this week. That I cooked amazingly healthy and tasty meals, that my child never ran out of clean clothes and that the word 'stressed' never entered my vocabulary. But- this would simply not be true.

In actuality, we split a can of Beefaroni for dinner- more than once. My kitchen resembles Nagasaki during the post-atomic bomb era, and if it hadn't been for my wonderfully thoughtful MIL, Wyatt's outfit would have come out of the hamper this morning (luckily, when picking up my child yesterday, Liz offered to wash his clothes for me- bless her!)

I forgot to close the garage door, set the alarm and make the coffee the night before- as these are typically deemed 'daddy duties'. Sadie is lucky she got fed, and I have been late to work every day.

The icing on the cake came last night in the form of a dying battery in the smoke detector. Picture me at 2 a.m. on a 12-foot ladder receiving instructions from my husband 2,000 miles away on how to disengage the stupid thing.

I am hanging on by a thread, folks. And tomorrow couldn't come soon enough.

A little of this, a little of that ...

I have a few updates, but I thought I would start out with a Wyatt story...

Last night was one of THOSE nights. You know, the ones where you wonder if you are going to have the strength to get through the next day, let alone the next 18 years.

Let me preface this by stating that I promised myself when I started this blog that it was not going to turn into one of those oh-so-corny-my-kids-are-perfect-my-life-is-perfect kind of blog. No offense to those moms out there who just put up the cutsey pictures and talk about how little Johnny read Moby Dick out loud at age two, or that Susie color coordinated her closet before her third birthday - you are not going to find that here. I do love my life, my husband, my job and my child. God has blessed us more than I could ever imagine... but life is not perfect and never will be- and my blog is real life- so you are getting everything. Welcome to the Gumbo :)

OKAY, with that being said, Here's the rundown of how my evening went:

5 p.m. - Pick up Wyatt

5:15- unload, get in the house put Wyatt into highchair for Goldfish appetizer, change clothes and fix Wyatt his dinner of canned chicken, microwavable peas and diced peaches (I worked really hard on this) Then, I get the bright idea to put in my workout DVD while he is eating. I can still keep an eye on him and then my ridiculous white-girl dance moves might keep him entertained enough to stay there, contained in his high chair for the entire 35 minutes, or until Daddy gets home. PERFECT!
5:30- Begin warm-up

5:35- working on my side steps when I hear some slight shrieks coming from the high chair. No big deal, he has finished eating and is singing along with the music.

5:40- shrieks continue to get louder- I look over and his entire meal that I thought he had eaten is now all over the floor, the walls and the dog, along with the entire contents of the sugar bowl. Awesome. Can't stop now... heart rate through the roof... in the middle of my boosted walk...

5:45- Full out wailing has ensued- it's obvious the child is no longer interested in his high chair. I probably wouldn't be either if I was swimming in peas. I am sweating like a pig, but I make my way over to get him out while jogging in place. I am loving the fact that I am wading through sugar.

5:55 - I give up and forget about intervals after Wyatt destroys the living room knocking everything down within reach so that he can say his new favorite word: "uh oh!" After about uh oh #436, I decide to throw in the towel on getting some exercise... good thing to, because he did something in his pants that smells just like roses- ha.

5:57- Conveniently, Dad still hasn't made it home, so I have accepted the fact that I am going to ave to change a horrific diaper. Wyatt is kicking and screaming and throwing himself all over the changing table. He absolutely.hates.having.his.diaper.changed. I narrowly miss a biohazard emergency, and we head straight for the tub.

6:05- My toddler who is in such a great mood by this point is splashing and kicking and pouring cupfuls of water out of the tub. I am so exhausted that I give up on the bath as well and opt for attempting to dry him and re-diaper. The question of the evening, WHERE IN THE HECK IS YOUR FATHER? escaped me several times throughout this whole escapade.

6:09- Mark walks in to witness a naked child, diaperless, with a sweaty, frantic wife chasing him around the house armed with a Pampers disposable.

And who said taking care of a toddler was easy? Oh yes- no one. Because if one did say that- they would be certifiable.

Saving Money

This month we have had some additional expenses come up, and with the beach trip looming ahead, I am on a mission to save money wherever possible.

Mark and I had completely forgotten that May is the dreaded car tag registration month (I know, I know... we should have been saving for this all along) so with another $200 going out, It was a good thing I picked up an extra week of call this month. Plus, our natural gas bill was outrageous with the cold weather we had in March...so needless to say, our groceries are being cut down to the bare minimum. We are eating deer meat and fish every night this month in order to avoid having to buy meat, I have bundled our cable/internet/phone service and signed up for budget billing with the power company in order to try and save some money on utilities.

Thank goodness my mom is taking me shopping for Mother's Day! My wardrobe is so sad this Spring... there is just not much that fits the same anymore, even though I am pretty close to the same weight as I was pre-baby... there just isn't anything left over to buy new clothes these days, so I am really looking forward to Saturday!

Also, I am SUPER thrilled that we are getting a Publix in Calera. They started construction last week, so I am reading up on all those coupon matching blogs and learning how I can take advantage of the B1G1 and become a member of Club Pub. Happy Tuesday Everyone!

Getting Organized

I have noticed lately that our house has been more than chaotic- partly because the floors have taken over a month and it has really disrupted my cleaning routine, partly because I have had to take care of Wyatt on my own (and keep him out of the construction zone) for the majority of the weekends as Mark has been working on the floors and partly because I just can't seem to stay focused and I am so exhausted that making a grocery list and organizing my coupons seems near impossible.

As I mentioned to a friend the other day, I feel like I am doing a million different things and not one of them am I doing well. I am spinning in so many directions, I just can't seem to get focused on managing our household. I just feel so overwhelmed in that aspect. Even in the past week, as I have added an exercise routine to my already jam-packed schedule, I am feeling even more disorganized. Seriously, I haven't cooked a decent meal in ages- tacos and hotdogs just simply cannot be our staples.

Well, those days are over- I am here to tell you. Although this weekend I have both Easter and a baby shower, I will also be deep-cleaning my house, stockpiling, couponing, shopping and resting (if I have time)

I am serious about learning anything I can do to stay more organized on the home-front. I have downloaded some free meal planning and grocery shopping charts, and I am starting revamp my recipe lists for some quick, healthy meals. We have a freezer full of deer meat, so I am hoping that we can tighten our budget a little and eat off of that instead of buying so much meat at the grocery store. Any recipes you have that use ground beef or steak would be greatly appreciated, as would any organization or time-saving tips- I am counting on all of my mom readers out there!

Frustrations

I love using this blog to vent my frustrations. I apologize to those of you who don't care about the hum-drum, but I suppose you can skip this post.

This morning was another crazy one in the Olis house, and quite upsetting.

I was out shopping last week at the outlets to get Wyatt some new clothes, and after spending $57 on him to make sure he had some things to get him through summer, my SIL and MIL and I stopped in at the Polo Outlet to see what I could find for my husband who is having a birthday next week. Well, I found him a shirt, and as I breezed through the clearance rack on the women's side I happened to find a cute Polo on sale for $19 in my size- which never happens. I scooped it up, since it was such a good deal, and because I wear these shirts for YEARS, so I figured it was worth it.

Let me preface this by saying I never buy anything for myself anymore, unless I am in dire need of it or I find it on overstock.com for next to nothing. I only buy things when I have scraped enough money off the grocery budget by spending HOURS cutting coupons in order to justify buying anything new. We went to a wedding back in December, and I wore a three year old dress that I got for graduation. Nor am I buying a new dress to wear to my SIL's rehearsal dinner- last summer, I wore the same maternity shorts- EVERY day just about. Anyways, I digress.

I put this shirt on for the FIRST time to wear to work today.

I walk inot the kitchen to find the Pyrex dish from last night's dinner soaking in our sink. It was Mark's night to clean the kitchen- when I clean the kitchen, I finish the dishes- he does not. I am used to this by now, so I go about finishing the kitchen. I unload the dishwasher, and the whole time Mark is watching me- knowing that I just put on my BRAND NEW shirt.

Also, I NEVER use bleach- EVER!!!!!!!!!!! Mark begged me to buy last week, so he could use it on his coolers that had fish in them- so I buy it. What does he do??? He uses it on dishes, and never says a WORD to me. Well, I am sure you have figured out the rest of this story- my shirt it ruined, and I never got to wear it. Let me just tell you- I tore into him. It was not pretty, but I am only human and I was MAD. He should have known better, after I told him a hundred times not to use bleach on dishes. He saw me washing that dish and never breathed a word of warning that I might want to change my top. NOPE, nothing.

I know I am feeling sorry for myself, but I don't care. I am sick over this, and I want my dang shirt. I am sure eventually I will get over this- but ain't gonna be today. Today I am going to be ticked.