UPDATE: I am so glad I am not the only one who gets exhausted with with the terrible twos. Thanks for all the sweets comments and e-mails :) Today is a much better day, and my sweet baby boy has returned ... for now -ha!
Here I am in the middle of total chaos otherwise known as the Olis Saturday morning. The bed is not made, the breakfast dishes are still in the sink, my floor is is a sea of plastic- Little People and Mega Blocks are scattered from baseboard to baseboard. It's after ten, and I am still in my pajamas. Gone are the Saturdays of sleeping in, quiet cups of coffee and Lifetime movie marathons- they have been replaced with tantrums and timeouts, diaper changes and juice refills, fruit loop encrusted highchairs and the low pitter patter of my 19-month old shadow.
Most weekends I live for these mornings- the high energy, the endless Sponge Bob reruns, the putting off of housework until naptime. This morning, I would give anything for some peace and quiet. Maybe that makes me a bad mom- I don't know. I have been trying to change out the laundry for over 30 minutes. I became exasperated when I couldn't even load the dishwasher without my little one breaking into full-out wailing and thrashing mode. I am typing amidst constant tugging and whining.
This motherhood thing is not for the faint of heart. I feel like a total loser when I watch those stupid shows where the mom can handle six newborns at one time- changing , feeding, bathing, traveling- all with such ease. I have ONE. One toddler who is, right at this very moment- getting the best of me.
I could tell something was wrong this morning when all I wanted to do was pull the pillow over my head and roll over instead of starting my day. I haven't felt that way in... wow, 16 months. I knew that I hadn't been feeling like myself lately, and the word "funk" has been used to describe my frame of mind- more than once. I know eventually I will snap out of it- I just hope it's sooner rather than later.
I sometimes wonder if things would have been easier if we had planned our pregnancy- if we had waited a few years, if I had been more prepared for the whole "mom" thing. I wouldn't change it for the world, and I love my little man more than life itself- but some days... it's harder than I ever imagined it could be. My life is forever changed... and I have never been one to adjust easily.
4 comments:
Oh Rachel! I am so sorry that you're feeling this way. You are a great mom! We all deserve some alone and quiet time though.
Hope to see you tonight! We'll let the boys play together and we can enjoy socializing! :)
I know EXACTLY how you feel and it doesn't make you a bad mom. Motherhood is so hard and we ALL have days where we feel like we can't handle it. I have many of those, believe me! Take some 'you' time if you can, let the cleaning and the laundry wait. Some weekends I make my husband get up with Austin in the mornings and I stay in bed until 10 because I just need a break! Mommies need breaks too!!
We all need "our" time! T.A.K.E. some time, Rachel. Not to be mommy, not to be a wife, not to work, not to do housework, but some REAL you time. You deserve it! And don't you think otherwise! You're a wonderful mom to Wyatt - I've seen you with him! I'll be thinking about you :). xoxo
hey! i try to limit tv to 2 hours a day max for bryce--so if I'm going to be home all day that would mean an hour before nap and maybe 30 min or an hour to help me cook dinner.
i've also found that if bryce can run and get energy out he is much more calm indoors...I feel you girl! Have you considered a housekeeper? With both of you working that would be a huge help. I used one last month and would LOVE having someone come every 2 weeks...
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