"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. " James 1:2
This was the verse that Pastor Brian based his sermon on yesterday. I have read this verse many times when studying scripture, and it always has given me hope when I myself, or others are going through tough times. Yesterday, however, there was a new light to these words- a new angle on this message. I felt God speaking straight to my heart as he used our minister to speak words that I so desperately needed to hear.
The message was titled "It" and the opening questions were clear- What are you living for? What is IT to you? Before Pastor Brian could even complete the sentence- the answer scrolled through my head like the ticker on the bottom of the business channel. The lies that satan have spun in my heart are as thick as black tar.
Be the perfect mother, be the perfect wife, be the perfect employee, the perfect daughter, the perfect friend, the perfect homemaker, the perfect christian, the perfect hostess, the perfect (fill-in-blank) Perfection is just around the corner- just keep going, because perfection equals affirmation. No one will love you if you are only mediocre. There is no room in this world for failures.
When you cut the crap, when you get down to the core of things... when I am only left with my inner thoughts and desires- that is my IT. Perfection is what I strive for, what I have always chased and chased and chased. Frankly, IT is exhausting. I never can just be. How sad is that? Instead of chasing the Lord of my life, instead of overflowing with abundance in Him, instead of crying out to the God Almighty- I try to do IT myself, and I am left drained, empty and stressed- constantly stressed. Instead of being grateful for what the Lord has given me, I am constantly thinking about what I need next. I try to fit my relationship with Christ in a box- always making excuses for pushing my quiet time off the table- after I dust, after I fold laundry, after I feed Wyatt... until it doesn't happen at all.
This week I am holding myself accountable to ending this viscious cycle, one habit at a time. God's lesson to me couldn't haven't have come at a better time- when I needed to hear it most. Mark is out of town, and I am hosting our bible study on Wednesday. As usual, I am behind on my lessons. Normally, I would be scrubbing floors and dusting my furniture until it gleamed- but this week, my quiet time and my son will be taking precent over the dirty grout in my kitchen. My friends love me for who I am- my Lord loves me for me- not for my spotless house.
Thank you Jesus for your unending grace and mercy- Thank you for showing me that I am NOT perfect, and never will be. Thank you for loving me in spite of my black heart- help me to be a little less like Martha, and little more like You.
4 comments:
Thank you for being so honest Rachel - I can totally relate to everything you are saying. Maybe they should have "Perfectionists Anonymous" for people like us! :) When I think about what is really important to me - God, my family and friends, my health; I realize I don't spend enough time on the things that really matter to me. I definitely don't exercise enough! :) And you are so right - we won't even notice the things around your house that you notice. We just want to spend time together and with you! Love you girl!
I just love how He works things- we always hear what we need RIGHT when we need it! I hope your bible study goes well!
Amen, sister! Leave that house alone! Thanks for being so honest and courageous.
Rachel, that was a very inspiring. Boy do I know ALL ABOUT putting everything else first and having too much on my plate. I needed to read this today because I've been stressing all day today about the mountain of laundry I have at home, the lack of groceries, and a million other little things. You are not alone in the daily fight, sister!!
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