Bittersweet

My baby turns one in four short days.

One year ago, I was in the homestretch of pregnancy- I was still carrying him inside of me feeling his life grow inside of mine. I can remember those movements clear as day- the jabs to the bladder, the elbow in the ribs- as miserable as I was, I still cherished each and every sign that there was indeed a miracle in there. The milestones that lay before us are many- but the biggest of them all seems to be this jump from baby to toddler. I simply do not know where this year went, but I am so proud of my little boy and all he has accomplished in the last 12 months. And, although he is growing up as they all do, he will forever be my baby, my first born- and he will forever hold my heart. I know some of you might feel that I am being a bit melodramatic, however, I realize that you cannot understand the impact that a first birthday has until you become a mom- a year ago, I never would have thought that a birthday could envoke such emotion.

I am creating a time capsule from tokens brought from guests at his birthday party. Each of these tokens will represent 2009, the year he turns one. Things such as a newspaper clipping, a stamp or a coin will be collected and stowed away until his 18th birthday.

Of course, my contribution will be a letter. I am sure he will read it and roll his eyes at how cheesy I am as most teenagers do, but I don't care. Words cannot express the love that a mother has for her son, but my hope is that in some small way- he might be a bit more prepared for what lies ahead of him, he might embark on whatever journey he will have before him with the knowledge that his parents love him and are proud of him- no matter what.

July 9, 2009

To My Precious Son,

As I write this, I am picturing how much your sweet face has changed over the last year- and I am having to blink back tears. My heart simply cannot hold all of the love that I have for you... one year ago I couldn't imagine how much a little person could change my life. Nothing is as it was, and it never will be again. All of my hopes and my dreams involve you, and there is not one day that passes that does not begin and end with thoughts of you. I carried you for nine months and felt you grow. I watched you enter this world kicking and screaming. I have witnessed your growth- your first smile, that long-awaited tooth, the sleepless nights.

I know that the next seventeen years are going to fly by. In a blink of an eye you will be grown, and I vow to cherish every moment I have with you. What an awesome responsibilty the Lord has charged me with- he must love us immensly to have entrusted your father and I with your life. I know we will make mistakes, and I know there will be times that you won't think that we are the greatest parents, but if there is one thing that I want you to remember it is that no matter what, no matter where life takes you, or the decisions that you make- we will love you always- it is a never-ending love, an unconditional love, just as our Father loves us. Never, ever doubt our love for you- never, ever think for one second that we wouldn't lay down our life for you. As a mom it is my job to protect you, but for me personally- it isn't a job. It's a joy. You are my joy. You the light of my life- (well, you and your Dad :)

Always put the Lord first, and all the rest will fall into place. Serve Him fiercly, because He has blessed you abundantly. God has a special plan for your life, Wyatt- I know it with every fiber in my being. I feel it as strongly as I felt your birth. He has His hand upon you, and I am thrilled to see in what capacity you will serve Him, and overjoyed to watch Him guide you throughout this journey called life. I love you.

My Heart Always,

Mom