There have been so many times in the past month that I have turned to update this blog, and simply have not had the energy. I am not going to lie- this month has been tough, tough, tough. It is difficult to record happy things and the many blessings I encounter each day, when so many around me are hurting.
Watching my husband grieve over the loss of a close friend, standing helpless as another friend fights for strength and courage as she wages her own battle with cancer, saying goodbye to a precious family as they embark on a new journey, and supporting family when pain hits them square on-- not exactly what I pictured when this year began.
We are taking the good with the bad. We are healthy, we are warm and safe. We have jobs, we have wonderful friends and wonderful family. The guilt seeps in when such precious people around me are suffering and there is absolutely nothing I can do- nothing but pray, and pray and pray.
In my mind, everything should stay the same. Fifty years from now, as an old woman, I picture my friends and I sharing laughs and tears as we do now. I picture the same friends- the same group, where no one leaves, no one gets sick and no one moves. It's not reality, but it's a reality that I have clung to the last four years. Post-college was a challenge, but once I found my groove, once I became a mom and the Lord blessed me with an incredible network of amazing women I knew it would rock my world to have to watch one of them wrestle great adversity, or struggle with infertility, or maneuver a minefield of disappointments.
Change is inevitable - I know that in my head, but it is hard to accept when it affects the heart. Our "golden group" may not, (and probably won't) remain the same into our golden years. What a difficult lesson to learn. It is teaching me to be grateful in the small things and to take each day as it comes.
So, friends... I am asking for prayers. Not for me, but for those around us. I am sure everyone knows someone who is hurting this season. Let's be a community that prays for each other. I truly believe that there is power in prayer. Although we may not be getting the response or the outscome that we see as best- I find great comfort in the knowledge that Jesus is Lord and everything is His to control.
2 comments:
I love this post - you took the words right out of my mouth, except you worded them so much more eloquently than I ever could. I am so fortunate to have you as a friend. I know exactly what you mean about wanting and expecting things to remain the same. I feel the same way. Hugs to you, and hope to see you soon.
Your post made me cry but in a good way. We are so blessed to have you and Mark as friends. We are so lucky to have been a part of AFUMC.
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