My Two Cents...

I recently read a post on a friend's blog about the "happy blog" trend. Authors of blogs, (me being one of them) always try to put their best foot forward in their posts, and only discuss the good things in their lives, the humorous and the entertaining tidbits of the daily grind. You can find yourself wondering if these people live a fairytale, or if they are ever frustrated, stressed or exhausted. Coincidentally, my FAVORITE blog is Laura Beth's, someone I have never met, but because she is honest and discusses every aspect of her life as a wife and mom, I find comfort in the fact that I am not the only one going through the up's and down's of motherhood. I remember telling my friend Amy, four weeks after I had Wyatt that I had no clue how hard it was going to be, and that I felt like I was the only woman in the world that felt like I was not up to the task of taking care of a newborn. She told me everyone feels that way after they have a baby, but no one discusses this. You are left feeling like the oddball because you are not oooing and gooing every second like all those mom's in Pamper's commercials.

I will tell you that I was overwhelmed- completely and utterly overwhelmed. I felt alone, isolated, and nervous. Mark went to work every day, and every day for six weeks I dreaded the sound of Wyatt's cries. I got angry when watching The Baby Show on TLC that they were enjoying their newborn, talking about bonding and how happy they were, when all I could do was talk about surviving another day- and I couldn't wait to get back to work, where atleast I could eat a sandwich in peace. I cried every single day for six weeks, and yes, I did talk to my doctor.. and was treated for Post-Partum which was a huge help... and I also think the exhaustion and stress was a huge part of it too...

...Fast forward six months, and I am totally and utterly in love with my child- I always loved him, it just took some huge adjustments on my part to learn that I could not control every single aspect of my life- especially my tiny newborn, who needed me, and to cut myself a break- I believe that bonding with your child is not something that happens overnight. Especially when those hormones start kicking in, and you are so tired- so so tired... yet, you still can't sleep because you are paranoid about when the baby is going to start crying.

Every day is a process, and every day bring it's own set of challenges. I could not do anything without God- and He gives me the strength to get through each and every day. I pray that He would give me the compassion, love, gentleness and wisdom to be a good mom. I love that little boy more than I could ever imagine... but for me, it is something that grows stronger with each moment.

So, for the happy-go-lucky aspects of my life- there is alot of that, but nothing is perfect- I promise to my readers to keep everything real. Because when I look back on this blog years from now with Wyatt- I want him to know that our life is Blessed, but life is never perfect.

To my sweet and precious son- You are my greatest joy, and my sweetest gift from the Lord. He must have thought a great deal of me to have blessed me with you- you are my heartbeat, and you will always be my baby-My love always- Mom.