Preparing

We are in the midst of full-on planning mode around here. I found myself reaching a place of panic as week 30 loomed ahead and began peppering my husband with deadlines. Cleaning the guest room out, painting, assembling baby girl's crib, installing a chandelier (a sweet gift from my sister in law!) . It is all coming together, and for a control-freak like me, my panic is abased... for the time being-- I am thrilled to be decorating a girl's room- oh my goodness, what fun.  It has been a dream of mine for a very, very long time. Probably as long as I can remember.

Tonight I found myself leaning up against the door jam of my now Robin's-egg-blue nursery for almost an hour, wondering just how I deserve so many blessings. Tiny pink onesies, giant hairbows, smocked dresses and distressed furniture-- directly across the hall from the most precious,  rough-and-tumble four-year-old boy in the entire world. My God, how you love me-- and how much I take for granted.

The second time around isn't quite as nerve-wracking as the first time, but I still can find myself giving way to fear, stress and nervousness as I try to remember what life is like with a newborn and wonder what life will be like with two. I am the world's absolute worst at enjoying what is in front of me and living in the moment. I want to be the best and most organized on every front, and I want to do it right.now. I feel guilty for not journaling every waking moment of the pregnancy. I feel guilty for letting the days pass so quickly and trying infinitely, and failing, to cherish every tiny tidbit of this time in my life. My mantra seems to always revolve around doing the most I can for every single person I can -- and sometimes, it comes at a cost. Most of the time, I admire those who can take a breath, take time for themselves and soak up the goodness that this life has to offer, and wonder how in the heck they do it.  My prayer is that as my children grow, they will learn with me and through me to be a vessel for His Kingdom. I also pray that I will hear God's voice in telling me that it is okay to rest in Him.

Oh, I am thankful this Thanksgiving. My prayer for the next few days is that my heart will still and rest in Him. That I will enjoy whats in front of me, and let tomorrow worry for itself. I pray that I will relish in the blessings of this time in my life and stop stressing over what still needs to be marked off the list (Lord knows my husband would enjoy the break too!). The busier life gets, the easier it is to forget that one day, this chaos will end -- all too quickly.